


Letters and Missives

by FenHarelMaGhilana (WhitethornWolf)



Series: Fortune Favour Me [27]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-11-05
Packaged: 2017-11-17 06:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 6,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitethornWolf/pseuds/FenHarelMaGhilana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Transcribed from a series of letters found in a cache in the Deep Roads just under the city of Orzammar. The letters are well read, creased and folded, dog-eared and the ink has worn off in some places. Red wax still clings to the edges of some of the papers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2 Justinian, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Alistair,

This letter will not reach you until you return to Denerim, so do not feel too bad about not replying with haste. I finally have the time to write to you about my progress in Amaranthine. As a Grey Warden I am not required to keep you informed, but as your wife, I wish you to know of my whereabouts.

Amaranthine is much the same as I remember it, though its people seem gravely concerned with the darkspawn activity in the region — as they should be, for the darkspawn are beginning to attack the farms. I have directed the bulk of the arling’s soldiers to guard the outlying farmlands, and al though many of the nobles disagree with my decision, when their people are well fed and thus producing well-tended crops, I imagine they will come around. One can only hope.

What a gaggle of hens these nobles are! I wonder if this is what my father dealt with on a daily basis. They chatter and cluck and flap their wings at every command I give, and peck amongst themselves until I am driven to distraction and simply wish for silence.

It is a wish that will not be granted, for between seneschal Varel and his assistance and my new Grey Warden recruits, I find myself pulled every which-a-way.

I suppose I should not complain. I volunteered for the position after all. Still, there is more going on here than simple darkspawn raids, I know it, and I am hoping to put together the pieces of this puzzle as fast and thoroughly as possible, so the quicker I can return to your side.

Yours,

Warden-Commander Eilin Cousland

Commander of the Grey in Ferelden

P.S. You will allow me to indulge in using that title at least once, will you? Of course you will.


	2. 13 Justinian, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Warden-Commander Eilin Cousland of Ferelden,

As your king I order you to indulge in your titles as often as you like — you’ve earned them — and as your husband I ask only that you try not to put yourself in too much danger. I suppose that is unavoidable, though.

I know you did not expect a reply before I returned home, nonetheless I am sorry you had to wait so long. Things have been heated in the Bannorn, though the trouble has passed. The culprit was a minor bann attempting to raise a rebellion in Anora’s name.

It reminded me of our talk before you left for Amaranthine. Do you remember? I thought you and Eamon would shout the palace down. One of the times I am glad your temper is not always directed at me.

In the end you were right. Anora is far more valuable kept alive than made a martyr. I think this bann would prefer she had been executed, which would not give me much confidence if I were her. It makes me wonder what might have happened if Anora had kept her throne. I suppose it does not do me any good to dwell on it, though if I had stayed a Grey Warden, I might very well be with you now. Or I might be dead. Now there is a thought.

The palace is boring without you, and I am totally jealous that you are off having adventures without me. Be safe, my dear.

King Alistair of Ferelden.

P.S. I can do it too. Just you wait.


	3. 25 Justinian, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear O King Alistair of the most wonderful and esteemable country of ours,

I told you I was right, and I told Eamon so as well. Please tell me he agrees, and allow me my petty victory. Just this once. Or twice.

Things are never dull here. I mentioned the attack on the Vigil the first night I arrived, did I not? The keep is in swift recovery, fear not, and the arling’s soldiers have been dispatched to the farmlands. I have begun construction on a stronger outer wall for the keep, and cleared the lower levels, which was where most of the darkspawn came from.

I say ‘I’ and ‘me’, but in reality it was the dwarves in our employ. Excellent men who are doing much to improve our defenses. Sometimes I feel little more than a figurehead of sorts, or a fish out of water, but the keep’s seneschal assures me I am doing fine. That may be wishful thinking on his part, though. But enough of that. Let me tell you of my Wardens.

My first recruit was Oghren. Yes, the one and only. He has left Felsi and his child and asked to join the Wardens, and I could not refuse him — not when we are so desperately in need of good men and women. Almost all of the Orlesian Wardens’ recruits died in the initial attack, and the last died in the Joining.

I do not know what happened with Felsi as Oghren will not speak of it, but perhaps I will convince him to send a portion of his stipend to her, so she may live comfortably with her child. I would invite her to live at the keep, but I suspect their fighting would be a distraction at best.

Next is Anders, and I have many thoughts about him. He is a mage, which is fortunate, and a healer, which is better, for I need both. I conscripted him, though it did not take me long to convince him to stay on.

Nathaniel is my bowman, and an excellent one at that. I am not sure what else to say to him. He joined willingly enough — I would have trouble forcibly conscripting anyone in truth, even knowing that we need people — but he resents me even so. I cannot say I do not know why exactly, but such things are to be said in confidence and not written. He improves every day and seems willing enough to follow my orders, and seems otherwise eager to please, so I do not worry about him too much.

Then Sigrun, a dwarf formerly of the Legion of the Dead. She is utterly fascinated by what she calls our ‘cloudhead quirks’, and her room is littered with little things she has picked up from our travels. I suspect there is more to her than her friendly nature, but I will not ask until she wishes to tell me of it.

Having new companions makes me miss the old even more, though it is not fair of me to compare them. But I do miss them, even Morrigan, as odd as that sounds. It is a strange feeling to find dear friends in such dire times, though I suppose the saying ‘a friend in need’ is somewhat fitting here.

I must leave it at this, for we head to the city of Amaranthine tomorrow, and it is late.

Yours,

Eilin of the esteemed and most worthy Grey Wardens; Hero of Ferelden, and all that.


	4. 7 Solace, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Miss Hero of Ferelden,

You did not inform me of this attack on Vigil’s Keep, and while I am disturbed to hear of it, I am glad the keep is beginning its recovery. I will send my condolences to the First Warden. Or is it apologies? I do not envy your position right now, love, but I am confident you will do what is best.

Of course, we will have to discuss your … punishment when you return.

In all seriousness, I am glad to hear of your Warden recruits, and I look forward to hearing more of them. I may take a trip up to Amaranthine within the next month if I can get away. Court is the same as ever, though Eamon seems to always find papers for me to sign.

You miss Morrigan? Surely this was a jest for my benefit? Well, I admit, I do miss the others too. Even Zevran, and Sten, though I am sure they are living their lives out quite happily without us.

Tell Oghren to have a drink for me. Or several, I am sure he will be happy to oblige.

Yours,

Alistair, sort-of Hero of Ferelden


	5. 20 Solace, 9:31 Dragon Age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These words are written on one sheet of paper, wrinkled and folded a dozen times, marred in places where the ink has run.

~~Alistair,~~

~~I have bad news.~~

My dearest love,

There is some news I must tell you.

Not two nights ago, ~~I was experiencing some pain~~

I was at the keep when I felt unwell, and upon consulting ~~the healer~~ Anders ~~he told~~

~~he said to me that I had~~

Alistair,

I do not know how to tell you this.

I have been unwell for a few days now, and just talked to ~~Anders~~ the healer ~~who said that I was~~

~~with child~~

had been with child

~~I lost the baby~~

I do not know what happened or how, but I was with child ~~and I~~

~~I am sorry I cannot~~


	6. 20 Solace, 9:31 Dragon Age

My dear sort-of Hero Alistair Theirin,

Can I call you Sort-Of now? Better than ‘ball and chain’, as Anders charmingly referred to you once in conversation — a conversation in which he asked what I would be doing after I finished with the Grey Wardens.

I would like to have answered I would run off to Antiva with you and we would spend the rest of our days eating cake with no darkspawn to catch up to us. But sadly, I will have to share you with the rest of Ferelden for a while yet.

There is always the summer, I suppose.

Since I last wrote to you, I have been to Amaranthine and spotted Wynne, who says she is off to a conference of mages in Nevarra. Who knew mages held conferences? Certainly not I. Wynne sends her love. Actually, she said, ‘You keep that boy out of trouble, or so help me, I will nag the both of you until your ears fall off.’ Ah, nostalgia!

I saw Delilah today. Did I ever tell you about her? She was Arl Howe’s middle child and his only daughter. She was my friend when I was a little girl.

It was strange to see her in the city, hair cut short, rough clothing, like a commoner. She recognised me, and that was my greatest fear. What must she have thought, seeing the woman who killed her father?

Howe deserved what he got, I never doubted that. But a life lost has an impact on many, for good or for ill. Howe murdered my family and because of that, I became what I am now. I killed Howe, and his children became pariahs.

But Delilah recognises me, and she did not hate me. Perhaps she is a better person than I am.

It was wonderful to see you. It feels like forever since I have touched you, and I wish you had stayed longer. I am sorry our topics of conversation were dire, as I would have preferred to talk as we do in our missives. Still, I look forward to returning to Denerim. The sooner the better!

I have much to think about, and Sigrun wants me to join her downstairs. In two days I head for the Wending Wood, to investigate reports of caravan attacks. Simple bandits — now there are people I can deal with easily enough.

Yours,

Eilin

P.S. My apologies for the late response. I have been unwell.


	7. 1 August, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Eilin ‘ball-and-chain’ Cousland,

I am beginning to like this Anders fellow, and I am hereby stealing his nickname and using it for you. And there never was a lovelier restraint to be had, I assure you.

You did tell me about Delilah, though you have not told me much about your childhood in Highever. I bet you were the sort of girl who climbed the castle walls and took cake from the kitchen when the servants were not looking. Admit it.

Court is no more interesting than usual. A few of the nobles seem to think it their personal obligation to provide me with various bits of gossip. Is it good or bad that I now know the goings-on of most of Denerim’s lords and ladies? When Eamon said a king must have his eyes and ears open, I do not think this is what he meant. But still.

Are you alright? It is not like you to be sick. Please tell me it was a simple case of too much dinner and not something serious.

Yesterday the Orlesian ambassador arrived. Do all Orlesians dress so outlandishly? He is still a good fellow, feathered hat and all, and he has told me much of how the ‘pecking order’ of nobles in Orlais. He will be here for another month or so to re-negotiate the terms of our treaty. Or to reinforce them, as it were. King stuff! It is not so bad being king. It has its moments. And I have you, which makes everything so much better.

Take care, and let me know how you are feeling.

Yours,

Alistair — writing all those titles is exhausting.


	8. 11 August, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dearest,

I am fine. I was unwell for only two or three days, and now I am back on my feet. I hope I did not worry you overly.

Would you believe that not five days after you departed, my brother came to visit unexpectedly? I was not able to send Nathaniel off quick enough. The look on Fergus’s face when they saw each other for the first time gave me chills. They were childhood friends, you know. Luckily, I was able to stave off any hasty action, and had a long talk with Fergus. Brother or not, no Warden will be threatened in my hall.

Also, I was totally the sort of girl to climb walls and steal cakes. How did you know? I suppose that is a silly question. I was something of a wanton when I was younger, and I am certain I drove the servants to distraction at the very least.

I am writing this as I am about to leave for the Wending Wood, to investigate reports of caravan attacks. Simple bandits — now there are people I can deal with easily enough.

I will write to you again when I return.

Yours, Eilin

P.S. Orlesian men are fops. But a good man can be a fop, and a fop a good man, if you take my meaning.


	9. 22 August, 9:31 Dragon Age

My dear,

I am not surprised Fergus reacted the way he did. I admit I am a little unsure as to why you did not have Nathaniel executed in the first place, though given the experience I have had with your decisions and their consequences, I am sure you had your reasons for keeping him alive. At any rate, he seems able enough, if not the friendliest man.

I do like that Anders fellow, and I am sorry Ser Rylock gave him some trouble. She is a good templar, if a little … overzealous.

This treaty is taking a long time to negotiate. Eamon says the Orlesians will take a mile if we give them an inch, so he is entreating me to be firm in my negotiations. I told him I would rather settle it with a sword and shield, and he gave me the strangest look, and then burned my ears with a lecture the likes I have not heard since my days in the Chantry.

No duels to be had, then.

Sometimes I feel like a bumbling fool, and sometimes I feel as if I have almost grasped it.

How was the Wending Wood? Please keep me updated on the attacks. We need the trade roads to be clear of both bandits and darkspawn.

Yours, 

Alistair


	10. 30 August, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dearest Eilin,

I am writing to you because I am bored and have not heard from you for some time. I imagine you are still traipsing around the Wending Wood with your hale Wardens, righting wrongs and looting bandits.

Oh, do not pretend you never do that anymore. Old habits die hard. You know I am right.

At any rate, this is just a short letter to let you know I am thinking of you and I am still totally jealous.

Love, 

Alistair

P.S. You will let me know as soon as you return, will you? I am playing the part of the worried husband here.


	11. 20 Kingsway, 9:31 Dragon Age

Eilin,

I suspect you may just be busy and unable to answer my letters, though it has been over a month since I have heard from you. Please let me know you are safe. I know you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but I will not lie when I say I am a little concerned.

Yours,

Alistair


	12. 2 Harvestmere, 9:31 Dragon Age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The writing on this note is scribbly and light, as if it were written quickly with a shaking hand.

My dearest husband,

First things first! I am alive. I assure you of that. If I were not, I would not be writing this letter, or at least one would hope not.

I am not sure where to start. I left for the Wending Wood on the second day of Harvestmere, and I returned yesterday. Things were … far more complicated than I thought, and myself and my companions were detained for some time, thus extending our trip.

Firstly, I have a new Warden. Her name is Velanna, and she is a Dalish mage. And such a temper! She is so very different to Zevran, it is hard to remember that her ways are not our ways.

The attacks on the caravans have stopped, and will not happen again. The trade roads are clear of any obstacles, living or otherwise, and trade can pass through without fear of attack.

That was the easy part. As it turned out, the darkspawn had taken Velanna’s sister, Seranni, and we pursued them to an abandoned silverite mine within the woods.

And there was my first mistake. For within that mine was a trap lain specifically for Grey Wardens — specifically for me.

There was a darkspawn, an emissary who called itself the Architect. It spoke. I have never heard of this before, and given you were a Warden for longer, I will ask — have you ever heard of such a being?

It held myself and my Wardens, Nathaniel and Anders, and Velanna captive. We escaped, and went on a hunt for our equipment, as the darkspawn had taken it for their own purposes, of which I know not. In our hunt I discovered a great many disturbing things; things I will not entrust in a letter, and things I am speculating upon which I cannot say. The darkspawn are horrific enough, but if they were intelligent …

My blood runs cold as I write this, and my hand is not steady. Tomorrow I leave with all haste to Kinloch Hold, in my search for answers. I will be a few days, so expect my responses to be a little late.

Yours,

Eilin


	13. 15 Harvestmere, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear wife,

It would be an understatement to say I am glad to hear you are alright.

I knew you would clear the trade roads, and I thank you for it. Trade is hard enough already, what with half of Denerim still in ruins, and that was one more headache we did not need.

Now onto this news you write of, with this talking darkspawn. A disturbing thought. I knew the emissaries were capable of basic speech, but you say this darkspawn is intelligent, and spoke to you thus? I have never heard of it, and Duncan never mentioned anything like this. I do not believe that the Wardens could be entirely ignorant of such a thing. I remember he said once that the Wardens in Weisshaupt were quite different from the others, harsher and less interested in the goings-on of the world. If so, they may well know of this Architect, but have not informed Wardens in other countries. Who knows.

It seems you were right when you said there was more going on than simple darkspawn stragglers. I will await to hear from you further.

Yours,

Alistair


	14. 30 Harvestmere, 9:31 Dragon Age

My Alistair,

Would it be too obvious to say that I return from Kinloch Hold? I return with half the answers I sought, and many new questions.

There is no doubt in my mind that this Architect is like no darkspawn we have ever seen, and I am curious now more than ever if the Wardens at Weisshaupt did know of its existence.

I am angry, Alistair. If they knew, then they should have warned me of the possibility of this happening. Perhaps they did bring news of it with the Orlesian Wardens, but whatever information they had died with them. I suppose they would have no way of knowing this would happen, and I am wanting someone to be held accountable for their deaths — if only so I do not feel so responsible.

Ah, I am tired, and I need sleep. Tomorrow I head for the Blackmarsh. One of the Orlesian Wardens went there months ago to investigate reports of darkspawn…and among his things was a note that mentioned worms with legs. I am not sure what to make of that, but nonetheless, I must speak with him.

Love,

Eilin


	15. 11 Firstfall, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Eilin,

You are not responsible for what happened to the Orlesian Wardens. Honestly, I do not think anyone is, unless we want to start accusing darkspawn — which makes sense, when you think about it, but it seems pointless to cast blame on something that cannot think for itself. Even if Weisshaupt did know about this Architect — and I agree with you that they most likely did — it would still be difficult for them to predict the events that have happened so far.

Now to the mundane. I reviewed your report and as far as I can tell, it seems trade in Amaranthine is improving tenfold, what with the roads opened and the Wending Wood clear. You do good work.

Denerim is gradually getting back to its old self. They have begun repairs at the alienage, and Shianni will be its first bann. When I made the announcement, that caused no end of an uproar amongst the nobles. Too bad that they do the same thing no matter what decisions I make.

The Blackmarsh? Could that sound any more omnious? They could just name it ‘PEOPLE DIE HERE, STAY AWAY’ and it would do the same trick.

Take care and keep me updated.

Yours,

Alistair


	16. 28 Firstfall, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Alistair,

I laughed when I read your letter, for there was indeed a sign just outside the marsh proper that said something very similar.

I have only just returned. I have another Warden — sort of — and more questions. Always more questions, and never enough answers. It is endlessly frustrating.

Do you remember how I used to complain that nothing was ever simple? It seemed as if every problem we solved opened up a whole host of other issues, and it seemed never-ending.

I came to the Blackmarsh with the intent of finding Kristoff, and I did indeed find him, though not in the form I had hoped. He was slain by the darkspawn — used as bait to lure me in, and like the idiot I am, I fell for the trap.

There was a darkspawn, a talking one. Not the Architect, no … I have seen the Architect and it is vastly different. This was a hurlock, like a man, and so like a man in speech and demeanour that it was unsettling to hear speech from its tongue.

I failed. I should have gone to the Blackmarsh first of all things, and if I had, perhaps Kristoff would have lived.

The darkspawn — it called itself the First — brought a ‘gift’ from one it called the Mother. Its gift was a lovely one-way journey to the Fade.

Oghren was not pleased.

Despite that, we managed to rid the Blackmarsh of both darkspawn and demons — the source of the reports of hauntings, among other things. Of these worm-like creatures Kristoff mentioned, we did slay some. But honestly, they are the least of my problems right now. It seems to me that there are two warring factions of darkspawn, lead by this Architect and this Mother, and we are caught in between.

I say that I have another Warden. It is…complicated, and I will not entrust it to correspondence. I will tell you myself when I return, and I suspect that will be rather soon. I sense things are coming to a head.

Yours,

Eilin


	17. 8 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

Eilin,

Did I say I envied you for having adventures? Well, I do, but only when it is something heroic and exciting, like slaying dragons and saving maidens in distress. Say, have you killed any dragons yet?

I know you must grow tired of hearing this, but you are not responsible for what happened. I know how you take events like these to heart, and I know that me writing these words is not sufficient to make you believe that it is not your fault.

Denerim improves every day. Over half the city’s rubble is cleared, and the market district is back to its old self. Did I mention the alienage was undergoing repairs, under Shianni’s directions? I probably did.

I am not sure how this will be for you to hear, but I received a letter from Fergus, which was … interesting, to say the least. He mentioned that you had taken Nathaniel Howe, a son of Arl Howe’s ‘under your wing’ — his words, not mine — and made him a Grey Warden.

I am not questioning your decision, but I cannot say I do not understand why Fergus is. I remember you mentioning a Nathaniel, but you did not say he was Arl Howe’s son. I thought you of all people would not want a Howe within ten feet of you. Will you tell me why you kept him alive?

Tell me how your Wardens are doing. How is Oghren? Is he the same as ever? Have you seen Wynne again?

Yours,

Alistair


	18. 14 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

My love,

Why yes, I have killed a few dragons since I left your side to go adventuring across Amaranthine. Jealous? You had better be. One of them was even magic.

Trouble seems to find me, you know that. I bet you will read this and not even be the least surprised.

You are kind to say it is not my fault, but I feel the blame lies in part with me. As I said in my last letter, I should have gone straight to the Blackmarsh to at least meet with Kristoff, and to tell him of what happened to his comrades. Perhaps I put too much stock in the legend of the Grey Wardens, and forget that they can be killed like any creature of flesh.

Kristoff’s wife came to the Keep to ask of news. It was not easy to tell her of what had happened to her husband, nor was it easy to see her reaction. 

Alistair, promise me that we will go to our deaths together. I would have neither of us feel the pain of being left behind.

I am not surprised that Fergus wrote to you regarding Nathaniel, nor am I pleased. Leave this matter in my hands, as it is a personal issue rather than a professional one. I shall write to Fergus, and I will settle it myself.

But yes, Nathaniel is Rendon Howe’s son. No, I did not mention it to you. I have not specifically kept this knowledge from you, but I did not feel it served any purpose to tell you of it. He joined the Wardens willingly, and is not only a talented bowman but is a friend. He did not begin as a friend, but friendship does not always come easy. You know that as well as anyone. He is not his father’s son, not in the sense that his brother was. Maybe sometime I will even tell you about his brother, for I am sure your curiosity is piqued now.

My Wardens are doing fine. I am training Anders in how to use a dagger, and he is proving … well. To train him is entertaining, and he is eager to learn. I am putting Velanna in charge of the keep’s healers. She seems to like ordering people around, so it suits her fine.

All in all, nothing to report. You might as well tell me how much debris is left to clear in the city, and how your Orlesian fop is doing.

Yours,

Eilin


	19. 14 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This letter is heavily creased, as if it were crumpled then smoothed out, and its words are written with a heavy, scrawling hand.  
> Underneath the last line is written ‘sod it’ in large print, and the letter remains unfinished.

To Teyrn Fergus Cousland of Highever, Warden-Commander Eilin Cousland of the Fereldan Grey Wardens sends greetings and best wishes.

I have just received a letter from His Majesty King Alistair, detailing that you had written to him in regards to a cer ~~tain man, whom I will call N., in my employ. I am~~

Dear Fergus,

It was wonderful to see you recently, and I hope this letter finds you well. How are you? How is your sweetheart? You must tell me about her when you get this letter — do not bother pretending you have none. Siblings always know.

This letter is, unfortunately, addressing a topic not so light as I had hoped. Today I received a letter from King Alistair stating that you had written to him in respects to one of my Wardens, Nathaniel Howe.

Now you may recall the words I spoke to you when we last met. If you have forgotten, I will repeat them for you now.

‘Who so ever threatens my Wardens threatens me.’

I am your sister, Fergus, but you forget that I am also your Queen, and at present I am acting Warden-Commander. These Wardens are all that Ferelden has, and ~~we desperately need men~~ I am not required to justify the decisions I make on my

~~Please understand that I need as many good people on my side as~~

~~Wardens are needed and Nathaniel is an excellent~~


	20. 16 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

Alistair,

I do not know when this letter will reach you, but I have instructed a messenger to bear it with all haste to Denerim. It may even reach you before my last letter.

There has been an attack on Amaranthine. The darkspawn are moving against the city, and there have been reports of these worm-like creatures as well.

I knew the walls of Amaranthine would hold, but these creatures will do more damage than I can anticipate. So I am going to clear the city, and then I am going to kill this Architect and this Mother. I do not know what their purpose is, but I will not be a pawn in their power play.

I am afraid, Alistair. When the darkspawn were simply creatures to be killed, I did not fear them. Even a monstrous face can become somewhat familiar if you see it often enough, and they fall easily enough. But when a creature has enough intelligence to rival me? To rival a human being? I cannot say I am not uncomfortable with that thought.

I do not know what will happen. I do not know if I will save the city, if I will kill these darkspawn — if I can kill these darkspawn. But no matter what happens, know that I love you, and I always will.

I know, words like that seem cheap on paper. I cannot be there to kiss you, so this will have to do.

I will write to you again when — if — I return.

Yours always,

Eilin


	21. 21 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

Alistair,

I am alive.

I always like to start letters like these with the obvious. So yes, I am alive, and mostly hale, and a little shaken up.

As I told you, I went to Amaranthine as there had been reports of darkspawn ravaging the city along with the worm-like monsters. The city is already over a day’s journey from the keep — how I wish I could fly! — and by the time I arrived with my Wardens, dozens of people had died. The rest took refuge in the chantry.

We cleared the area and holed up in the chantry, but oh … they had sick people in there, people who had been exposed to the taint.

You who knows me well, you know what I did, what I had no choice but to do. Soldiers, good men who had fought to defend their city. The innkeeper. Mothers and children, I killed them all, and I looked them in the eyes, though I wanted nothing more than to be a blade in the shadows.

I spoke to Riordan, before we left for Denerim. I told him of the terrible things we had seen, of the things we did. He told me that Grey Wardens must always stand apart from humanity, because we act for the greater good.

I know logically that what I did was for the best — for the people in the chantry, and for the people who had been tainted. But it is funny how hard we have to convince ourselves that what we did is best, is it not?

Once the city could stand on its own, we went to this Mother’s lair. The Dragonbone Wastes, of course — have you ever heard a more ominous name for a place? Well, it fits, and it is a stark and wild place, cold and unforgiving … and filled with darkspawn, naturally.

The Architect came to us in that place, and it offered me a deal. I killed it.

There is more to that, obviously, but nothing I would trust to written letters. The Mother is dead, also, and there is more to it than that.

The Mother, as it turns out, was a human broodmother. You may recall I told you how broodmothers were created, which I will not repeat now. Is it very selfish of me to be far more disturbed at seeing a human broodmother than that poor wretch in the Deep Roads?

That could have been me. I shudder to think of it.

But it is dead, and so is the Architect, and reports tell me the darkspawn have fled the farmlands and the city surroundings.

While I was away, the creatures attacked the Vigil. It is … not in the best shape, but it stands. One of many times I have been grateful for dwarven-made defenses.

Soon I will be able to return home. But not yet. There is a lot to be done. Funny how the stories always mention the glorious battles but never the resulting mess.

This letter has already been too long and I hope will occupy you for a time. But not too long — write to me as soon as you can, dearest.

Yours,

Eilin


	22. 30 Haring, 9:31 Dragon Age

Dear Eilin,

This will be long. Did you think you were the only one who was obvious in letters like these?

First things first, I did indeed receive your second letter before your first and third, but waited a time to reply to all, so I would not confuse you. I am glad I did wait, because my first instinct was to write a response to your first letter with all haste.

It is not easy to sit in Denerim safe while you are putting yourself in danger every day. I know my duty and I know I must be king, and I want to be a good king. But it is never easy to read these things. You are more important to me than anything, and part of me does want to keep you from harm as much as possible, even knowing what you are. Would you roll your eyes if I called you an indestructible goddess? You probably would. I am going to say it anyway.

That aside, I am proud of you for doing what needed to be done, and I will not try to dismiss your feelings on the matter. Killing an enemy in battle is one thing, killing an innocent is another. All I will say is you saved them from a slow and painful death.

I have heard of the Dragonbone Wastes. It is a place where dragons go to die, and I cannot imagine why any creature would willingly go to such a place — then I remember how Grey Wardens end their lives. I wish I could say it made sense to me, but it does not.

You mentioned dwarves in your employ in one of your earlier letters, so am I to assume they are responsible for the keep’s defenses? You must tell me about them.

Did you write to Fergus? I would have paid to see the expression on his face when he read your letter.

As to Nathaniel being Howe’s son, I had an idea this was so, but I did not feel it worth mentioning. I trust your judgement, and as you are still writing me letters regularly, I will assume you are on top of things. That, plus you are really very frightening when you put on your leader face, so I do not blame these Wardens of yours for falling in line.

Denerim is about two thirds clear of debris, and so far the death toll is in its hundreds — my hope is it will not reach much higher than that. We are still finding as many darkspawn bodies as human, and it may be impossible to account for every single person. With luck and persistence, we will have the city running as per normal within a few years.

I miss your sweet face. I hope your duties will not keep you too long.

Yours,

Alistair


	23. 8 Wintermarch, 9:32 Dragon Age

Alistair,

By the time this letter reaches you, I will be on my way to Denerim.

I do not want to talk much about the events of the past … has it been eight months? Almost a year? I cannot believe it has been that long. It seemed to me that the time dragged anyway, whether it be two months or eight.

I will tell you more of what happened, for there are some things I kept from you in letters, for the sake of security, and things I did not think worth mentioning.

I do have dwarves in employ at the Keep, and they have proved themselves a dozen times over. I have ensured they are well paid for their services.

I did not write to Fergus, but I am going to see him personally. I was not able to write a letter without sounding quite angry, and in truth I do understand where his ire comes from. I talk about Howe killing my family, but Fergus is my brother. Howe killed his parents, his wife and his son; and for a time he thought I was dead also. He, like I, thought he was the only one left, and that is a terrible burden. I cannot blame him for his judgement, and neither can I expect him to act the way I would in any given situation. He is his own man. Nevertheless I will see him, and we shall talk.

I miss you, and I hope to be in Denerim within a week of this letter. As to what will happen with the arling of Amaranthine, I will discuss this with you, for I wish your opinion. As a king, as my friend, and as my husband. I am sure we will come to agreement somehow.

There is much to be done, love, but we will accomplish it together. The future awaits us, and it is starting to seem brighter than ever.

Yours,

Eilin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These letters provide an insight into the events of 9:31 - 9:32 Dragon Age, detailing the Hero of Ferelden’s involvement in the conflict between two darkspawn, the Architect and the Mother. They have been transcribed as is. Note the lack of formality between King Alistair Theirin and the Warden-Commander, and the omitting of certain minor events, which one presumes were either recorded in Ferelden’s history, or suppressed as per Grey Warden policy. Further information may be found in the Royal Palace archives, noted by age and year.


End file.
